Faith – Kayley Chartier

Dressing for Delight: How theology can positively influence fun with fashion

My dad read a few book series aloud to me when I was a kid, but my favorite was Anne of Green Gables. I remember when Anne Shirley asked for a dress with puffed sleeves, a part of my little heart jumped up to say, “me too!”

I’ve liked clothes for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I would spend afternoons on the floor of my mom’s closet, admiring the patterns and textures of the beautiful dresses that hung there. Ten years of consistent community theater participation also gave me an appreciation for the importance of costume design in painting a complete picture of a character.

When characters from favorite stories captured my heart, I longed to wear patterns, textures, and silhouettes that resembled them. I remember wanting to wear a yellow dress for my 8th grade graduation so I could match Luna Lovegood’s Deathly Hallows wedding guest gown from the book. The specific shade of yellow I wanted was hard to come by in 2010, and I ended up hobbling to the stage on crutches with my newly sprained ankle in Bella Swan’s green taffeta dress from New Moon. When it’s warm out, I still throw on a tomato-red plisse number that reminds me of Buttercup in the Fire Swamp.

When I entered my teenage years, I battled with how clothing also signified identity and status. For example, when the charter school I had enrolled in for 7th grade banned branded clothing from its dress code, I flung myself onto my bed and cried. How else would everyone know that I was a poser-surfer without my embossed Hollister sweatshirts?

Oh dear.

Then there were the well-meaning Christian bloggers and their long lists. The conversation then was generally around what not to wear; rarely did anyone bring up the art and the joy of dressing beautifully and appropriately for the setting and activity. In my teens, my own legalism kept me from wearing makeup and leggings, even in situations where it was completely appropriate to do so. I call these bloggers well-meaning because I do believe they were trying to give young Christian women guidance in a grey area, but their teaching was often narrow and legalistic.

Legalism seeks to keep the believer safe from sinning by putting words in God’s mouth, but leaves little room for discernment through actual relationship with Jesus. So while one might seek to honor God with how they dress, devoid of the conviction and communion of the Holy Spirit necessary for discernment, they can still be acting in legalism.

I still do value modesty, but I see it now as a heart posture of reverence and humility before God, rather than a long list of dos and don’ts or a specific length of hem.

Not the main character: the concept of the daily costume

These days I see clothes as one-part creative outlet and one-part daily costume. The difference between costuming a character and dressing myself is that I bring the day ahead to the Lord and ask who He needs me to be at this moment in His story. In one sense, I am a character in the story, but I know I am not the main character. That’s important.

The conversation goes a bit like this:

“Jesus, what do I need to do today? And who have you made me to be? How do I reflect that?”

Maybe it sounds weird, but through this perspective, I feel like I finally live in clothing freedom, no longer using clothes to define my identity, but instead to express it in a way that is useful, creative, and (hopefully) reflective of who I am in Christ. It’s not rooted in striving or shame, but in meaning and security. It’s not derived from the clothes I wear, but rather from the grace Jesus has clothed me in (Isaiah 61:10).

Here’s how I choose outfits:

I ask myself what the plan is for the day. When I was teaching high school, I adhered to a business-casual dress code. Most people loosely interpreted this to mean no jeans and sneakers unless it was Friday. Now that I get to work in ministry, my range of choices is much broader. If I’m writing check requests in the office, a comfy dress just is fine, but if I’m painting a backdrop for the high school room or playing a muddy group game, I need something more rugged. Though I try to be practical, my choices can still be somewhat tailored to my style preferences.
I check the weather. Because duh.
I delight in beauty as a form of worship. Once I’ve determined an outfit “type,” I can move on and think about what I like. Which patterns am I drawn to? What historical moment would be fun to channel today? I am a self-proclaimed fashion history nerd! This is the personal style element that makes getting dressed fun for me. Lately I’ve been enjoying bright colors. Years ago, I wouldn’t be caught dead in baby yellow or pink, but now I embrace how these colors make me feel and worship God as I think of the joy color brings me! To delight in beauty and attribute it to the Lord is a form of worship I think we all need in our lives.
I remind myself that I serve Jesus. Modesty-culture wounded so many with arbitrary rules. While I no longer agree with many of the bloggers I learned from in my teens, I still strive to serve Jesus with my outward appearance. I think the key determiner between legalism, moral relativism, and freedom in this area comes down to who I am really trying to please. If I wear whatever I want with no regard for anyone else because I have the “freedom” to do so, I am probably not putting Christ first (see 1 Peter 2:16). On the other hand, I could also be piling on unnecessary rules for myself and others if I leave Jesus out of the conversation. For example, I might make up a rule about avoiding the color red because of its association with lust (yes, I’ve heard this one 😆) and distort the actual gospel, which says NOTHING about avoiding this color. I’ve found that it actually takes more effort to invite the Holy Spirit into the equation than it does to just rule out pants or mascara. Anyway, all this to say that I try to make sure I am dressed appropriately for the occasion, and I ask the Holy Spirit to convict me if my motives are off. It’s simple, but it does require relationship with Christ to be at the forefront. I do think He cares about what I wear, but Jesus cares most about the inner workings of my heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

Personal inspiration

I gravitate toward spring colors, rustic textures, knits, delicate lace, and anything that reminds me of literary characters I love. I especially like overalls (give me all the pockets), midi dresses, crop sweaters (very versatile when you’re petite), quilted fabric, and embroidery!

I thought I could also include a few of my favorite outfit formulas. Consider these my uniforms.

A few example uniforms

Dress and sweater combo:

Dresses and skirts with t-shirts or on their own:

Overalls:

Fun jacket:

Western details:

This was technically a theme party, but all of the pieces are totally wearable separately!

Freedom and fun

Fashion is one freedom issue that has long been a source of pain in the church, particularly for women. It doesn’t have to be. When we seek God for discernment, we can still delight in beautiful things, living out the good works He has set before us with freedom and joy.

I am not the main character. Thank goodness that Jesus is! But I am a beloved part of the story—a story of the lost getting found, of those under the law coming under grace, and of those living in ashes being given an inheritance of everlasting beauty and joy.

I want to tell it well, to be clothed first and foremost in Jesus, and to point to the Savior of the story with all of me, even with the clothes that I wear.

“I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.” (Isaiah 61:10)

A lifetime’s not too long

I used to think experiencing Jesus took place only in solitude. I had no problem with seeking Him in the early hours of the morning, armed with my coffee and a little notebook and whatever questions I had to ask Him. But whenever it came time to gather with a congregation, for example, I just didn’t know how to engage. I took the “my Jesus, my Savior” lines from Darlene Zschech’s “Shout to the Lord” to mean, “my Jesus, and only mine; what can’t it just be us in heaven??”

To be honest, I didn’t like to have to share my Jesus with other people, and the idea of opening up about my faith to someone who could so easily pick it apart made me squirm. For a long, long time, my heart, and therefore my faith, was a private affair and I liked it that way.

It took years of trying and failing, trusting, hoping, being disappointed, yet still finding the courage to try again to learn that there are still priceless treasures to be found in the raw and messy business of friendship.

Take my dear friend, Daryl, for example. We started out as teaching partners—one room apart in the English Department hallway, decades apart in age. I have never known and been known as well as I am by this friend. It’s a tremendous gift that with her, I am safe to absolutely lay my heart bare, no matter what. And it’s not because she is perfect (although some days I kinda do think she is), but because she really loves me with the love of Jesus.

We have wept together and laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe. We’ve graded papers and done laundry together. We share a love of plants and stories and little animals and British humor. At the center of it all is Jesus: His beauty, His truth, His love. Yes, I do experience Jesus in solitude, but I also enjoy Jesus when I am with this friend.

We are a lonely society keen on making every part of our lives public EXCEPT for the very most important parts of us: our real selves. And I get it. Humans will disappoint us. They will hurt us at one point or another. And the inner parts of us shouldn’t be made available to just anyone.

However, I still think it’s worth the risk to find people who will protect, and even sometimes gently correct you because they truly love you. It’s why the Psalmist writes that, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6a). Someone who is just in it for vibes and good times can’t do that, and someone who is not interested in true friendship as Jesus describes it won’t be ready for that level of sacrifice and accountability.

I think that’s the beauty of real, Christian friendship. It’s not just about feeling good about ourselves. It’s not just about not being alone. Jesus himself describes true friendship as the act of laying one’s life down for someone else. In a stunning reveal, he explains that that was what he came to earth to do, saying, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

Friendship on this side of Heaven is not perfect, but it can be good, and it’s worth the mess, the mistakes, and the time it sometimes takes to find a good fit. Because a friend who will love you, truly love you with the selfless love of Jesus, is worth all the treasure in the world.

🌸🌸🌸

Some verses to help you further explore the topic:

Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

Proverbs 27:5-6 “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

Bonus little tidbit: Here’s the song that’s been running through my head as I wrote this. It’s a classic. Enjoy!

Are you leading somewhere good, God?

The first thing I learned about Iowa was that it does, in fact, exist. The second was that you can land a plane on a runway strip in the middle of a cornfield and nobody will think twice about it.

It was the trip we had been discussing for six months. Shortly after we got married, Calvin became interested in attending a local chiropractic college, but just after being accepted, the campus announced that they were shutting their doors. It was pretty heartbreaking. I was sure that meant it was the end of the road for that career, but soon after, he began to consider the same school’s sister campus in a little town in Iowa.

I didn’t want to move to Iowa. I didn’t even want to visit! I tried (and mostly failed) to be positive about it all, just trying to grapple with the idea that God could be leading me somewhere I was reluctant to go and it could still be good.

Per the advice of my counselor, I began to pray and to research. I found POV Youtube videos of people driving around every inch of the town (because apparently this is a thing?!) so I could get a better feel for where we might live. I looked for teaching opportunities at schools in the area and even across the river in Illinois. On sleepless nights, I stayed up to read just about every forum I could find on various Iowa-related things.

Before we knew it, we were on the plane. (You know… the one that landed in a cornfield?!). I’m glad we could laugh and goof off throughout the flight because it was a good distraction from my nerves. The entire time I was praying that the Holy Spirit would give me clarity and peace. That if we were meant to move, I would actually welcome the idea. I made a promise to myself that during our trip I would not say a single thing to sway the decision, and I pleaded to God that He would help me to uphold that promise.

We got an Uber at the airport and drove to a little river town full of friendly people and buildings largely made of red brick. Everything seemed different from California, but I liked that. Sometimes it’s fun to feel like foreigner! Plus, I liked how Iowans said cute things like “you bet,” and how they left off the ing from any word that naturally had one. I learned from the students I met that if it was snowin’, they were either walkin’ to the pub to hang with friends, or eatin’ ice cream at the parlor downtown.

That first night, we ran around the local museum and enjoyed some pub food as we tried to envision ourselves as Midwesterners.

This plate of Schnitzel made it to my list of best meals I’ve had in my life!

The next morning, Calvin and I took an all-day tour of the school. For a small campus, it was pretty impressive. I was intrigued at the fact that everything had to be indoors due to the harsh winters, another thing Californians don’t truly understand. Each hall was different but made with the same beautiful red brick and decorated with royal purple banners.

At the end of the day, Calvin and I sat on a curb and waited for our Uber. This town was so small that we rode with the same Uber driver twice!

“So, what did you think?” I asked, fairly certain I knew the answer. We held hands and chatted. I felt peace and safety, grateful for my husband’s love for me. We were in this together. No matter what we decided, we’d have each other, and we’d have the Lord to rely on.

One year later

Short story long, we actually didn’t move! Sometimes I wonder why we went through that season of waiting and wondering, only to decide not to go. Though reluctant, by the time we reached Iowa, I was so prepared to move that deciding not to felt strange. I know I’ve asked God more than once why the way forward wasn’t clear before had bought the plane tickets.

But perhaps it was all another opportunity to grow in trust of the God who always provides for where He leads. Perhaps the Lord was helping us to grow not only in our marriage, but in our faith in His faithfulness.

But I guess we can join the club, right? There are countless examples from scripture of men and women who learned how to trust the leading of the Lord, even when the way forward was unclear:

Noah spent years building the ark in faith when God said it would rain (Hebrews 11:7).
Abraham left civilization to follow God “without understanding where he was going” (Hebrews 11:8-9).
Even the disciples (whom I’m told more closely resembled a modern-day youth group than a bunch of wise men with beards) took a chance on the carpenter who said, “Come, follow me.” (Matthew 4:19).

Arguments made for the authenticity of these stories can be supported by the fact that the Bible writers don’t attempt to cover the fallenness of God’s human witnesses. After the floodwaters receded, Noah got drunk and naked (Genesis 9:21). Abraham trusted God to provide land and a son… until he didn’t and slept with his wife’s handmaiden in a misguided attempt to produce an heir (Genesis 16:2-4). The Apostle Peter was one of those twelve who left everything behind to follow Jesus, but if you’ve read the gospels, you’ll know him as the poster child for impatience, weak faith, and sometimes even weaker character. The point of these accounts is never the goodness of man but the great faithfulness and love of God.

I particularly wonder if we’re told about how Peter hesitated to walk on water with Jesus to paint a realistic image of the journey of faith (Matthew 14:22-33).

Where He leads, He provides

We didn’t move to attend the midwestern school with the purple banners, but I realized the other day that Calvin now drives around in a royal purple ambulance in a job that has been yet another example of the provision and faithfulness of the Lord.

I’m confident that if we had moved to Iowa, we would have found new jobs, a new church, and a new community. Heck, maybe we would have even come to like the snow! It would have been an adventure, for sure.

And yet, is it not still an adventure trusting the Lord with each day, hour, and moment, and to learn how to lean on His Spirit as we strive to be obedient in whatever He asks of us? Whether the Lord is asking us to lay something down or to take up a new role, we have to keep our eyes open and our hearts softened in order to trust that He is leading us somewhere good. I drive pretty much everywhere with my GPS on, but I pay much closer attention when I’m trying to just follow Calvin’s little green minivan. The same kind of attentiveness can be cultivated in us when we watch and wait for the Lord in uncertain seasons.

Flourishing in the house of God

The olive tree logo for my blog is actually based on a verse that has reminded me to stay close to the Lord and trust Him over the years:

8 But I am like an olive tree
    flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love
    for ever and ever.
⁹For what you have done I will always praise you
    in the presence of your faithful people.
And I will hope in your name,
    for your name is good.

-Psalm 52:8-9

May we pray that our hands stay open to what He has for us, knowing that God is good, and that we can trust Him wherever He leads.