Tag: Love

A lifetime’s not too long

I used to think experiencing Jesus took place only in solitude. I had no problem with seeking Him in the early hours of the morning, armed with my coffee and a little notebook and whatever questions I had to ask Him. But whenever it came time to gather with a congregation, for example, I just didn’t know how to engage. I took the “my Jesus, my Savior” lines from Darlene Zschech’s “Shout to the Lord” to mean, “my Jesus, and only mine; what can’t it just be us in heaven??”

To be honest, I didn’t like to have to share my Jesus with other people, and the idea of opening up about my faith to someone who could so easily pick it apart made me squirm. For a long, long time, my heart, and therefore my faith, was a private affair and I liked it that way.

It took years of trying and failing, trusting, hoping, being disappointed, yet still finding the courage to try again to learn that there are still priceless treasures to be found in the raw and messy business of friendship.

Take my dear friend, Daryl, for example. We started out as teaching partners—one room apart in the English Department hallway, decades apart in age. I have never known and been known as well as I am by this friend. It’s a tremendous gift that with her, I am safe to absolutely lay my heart bare, no matter what. And it’s not because she is perfect (although some days I kinda do think she is), but because she really loves me with the love of Jesus.

We have wept together and laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe. We’ve graded papers and done laundry together. We share a love of plants and stories and little animals and British humor. At the center of it all is Jesus: His beauty, His truth, His love. Yes, I do experience Jesus in solitude, but I also enjoy Jesus when I am with this friend.

We are a lonely society keen on making every part of our lives public EXCEPT for the very most important parts of us: our real selves. And I get it. Humans will disappoint us. They will hurt us at one point or another. And the inner parts of us shouldn’t be made available to just anyone.

However, I still think it’s worth the risk to find people who will protect, and even sometimes gently correct you because they truly love you. It’s why the Psalmist writes that, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6a). Someone who is just in it for vibes and good times can’t do that, and someone who is not interested in true friendship as Jesus describes it won’t be ready for that level of sacrifice and accountability.

I think that’s the beauty of real, Christian friendship. It’s not just about feeling good about ourselves. It’s not just about not being alone. Jesus himself describes true friendship as the act of laying one’s life down for someone else. In a stunning reveal, he explains that that was what he came to earth to do, saying, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

Friendship on this side of Heaven is not perfect, but it can be good, and it’s worth the mess, the mistakes, and the time it sometimes takes to find a good fit. Because a friend who will love you, truly love you with the selfless love of Jesus, is worth all the treasure in the world.

🌸🌸🌸

Some verses to help you further explore the topic:

Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

Proverbs 27:5-6 “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

Bonus little tidbit: Here’s the song that’s been running through my head as I wrote this. It’s a classic. Enjoy!

Blooms in a Bucket

There is a Home Depot bucket in the center of our lawn containing a just-now-flowering tulip magnolia tree. I guess it’s not exactly on the lawn–it’s in the dirt section we cleared to landscape and hopefully plant that tree in… two years ago. It’s a really beautiful tree that honestly should be in the ground, but it seems to be doing well for now. The irony is that bright orange beacon of a bucket. I love how something so coarse—something so unexpected and almost foolish—could so effectively house something so lovely.

The month of March has been one giant mix of that same bloom of hope inside a Home Depot bucket. I wish I could say more about it, but for now I’ll just say that I applied for something at the beginning of the month, went through the process of hoping, then doubting-myself enough to throw the proverbial crumpled paper in the trash, subsequently removing said crumpled paper, and being more than pleasantly surprised at the result. I have things to look forward to for the following year. God has resurrected dreams and been faithful to bring them to fruition, and I am so thankful for his faithfulness.

On another note, friends has been a theme this month. The day of Saint Patrick’s Day I arrived home right after work, which, considering the fact that I am NEVER home before 10:30pm, was already cause for concern.

The day before I realized that I had been so excited for my Spring Break plans that I skipped not one, but two weeks of planning in my scheduled lessons:

March 29-April 2? Who is she? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Anyway, my brain was a fried egg. When I got home, a box from my dear college friend, Erika, was waiting for me. Inside was the most thoughtful collection of gifts and trinkets: face mask and scrub for relaxation; tea, hot chocolate and apple cider to drink while I relax; Ghiradelli squares for that chocolate fix; play dough for stress-relief (I’ve used that a ton this week); glow sticks for funzies, and two shamrock necklaces for St. Patty’s. It was the most thoughtful and timely thing. In her note, she mentioned how I had looked tired on our Zoom call a week before and even if she couldn’t directly help lighten the load, at least she could lighten my spirits. What an amazing friend.

The box was timely in other ways, too. Days later I received a series of sobering letters from an old friend. I’ll spare the details, but it was a less-than-joyful subject. I questioned my ability to call myself a good friend and fell into a slump, but the somber feeling lasted only for a day because God blessed me one more time with a surprise AM visit from my best friend. We drank tea and gloried in God’s faithfulness to both of us. We only had two hours, but those two hours were desperately needed. I’m still in awe of this ten year friendship that has, by the grace of God, survived military-induced communication barriers and lots of long-distance. I love you, Toler!!

Rules for surprise Kenzie visits: 1) She will come in without warning (she knows our door code), probably holding a cat she picked up outside. 2) She will walk in wearing shoes, take them off, and leave without said shoes, resulting in you chasing her car for a few seconds down the street before she realizes what’s going on. This will never change.

Speaking of friends, my other best friend and I celebrated nine months together last week! We sat on the phone last night reviewing the photos we’ve sent each other over the course of our relationship. It was sweet to see us progress from the tentative, safe realm of food photos to weirder memes as we got more comfortable. Hilarity ensued. Here are some of the greats:

One of the high school students made some creative edits of Mr. Chartier. MIB? MIBPS? (Men in blue pinstripes??)
My plague mask I was THIS close to buying. It seemed so fitting back in the lockdown world of June 2020.
Calvin’s bunny outfit that apparently got him in huge trouble in high school. It was a security issue, but still—sometimes I wish educators would lighten up enough to let their students actually enjoy school.

The last one is one of the reasons we’re dating. When the head of our church’s pantry asked if I wanted a partner to help me pick up the bread we’d distribute, I knew it was my in for asking Calvin to hang out. Later on she clarified that I didn’t actually need help. I didn’t tell him that until later. The rest is history. 😉

Speaking of God’s faithfulness, this sweet man brought me a surprise latte in between my parent teacher conferences Wednesday. I didn’t realize how stressed I had been until I was able to hold my coffee and be held for a minute. About a year ago I went through the most painful breakup of my life, and I’ve never been more grateful for anything because it meant finding someone who gets me and makes me laugh and encourages me to look to Jesus in everything. I love him so much. He works hard at school and digs trenches for work like a character in Les Miserables without complaining. He brings me lattes at work and I love listening to him play guitar and crush it at his CrossFit competitions.

He is the unexpected flowers in the Home Depot bucket and I am in awe of a God who would bless me so richly.