I had put myself in an awkward position. No—literally. Forced to recline at an odd angle because our loveseat’s a bit too small for both me and Calvin to stretch out, my view was the back of a whiteboard Calvin uses for studying. One side listed several meds he needed to memorize for school; the other side was a verse.
I had just come home late again, tired physically, but mostly emotionally. I had prayed out loud on the way home (something I do a lot), talking to Jesus about His plans and purposes for my life, telling Him how thankful I am to be a sheep in the pasture of a Good Shepherd.
Now I was squished on the cramped couch, staring up at the verse on the back of whiteboard:
“Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” (Psalm 100:3).
There’s no way I would have seen the verse had I not been so exhausted I had to lie on the couch. There’s also no way I would have seen it had I not been in an uncomfortable position.
Friend, this is the goodness of God. Not that my situation always changes or that I get exactly what I’m praying for the moment I ask, but that I get Jesus for my situation—the presence and the peace and friendship of the One who knows and loves me. I don’t chalk up things like reading the very verse from which my prayers were born to coincidence. Doing so would be like saying my husband bringing home my favorite flowers on my birthday is a coincidence.
The more I walk and talk and just sit with him, the more I learn that Jesus is personal, and that relationship with Him is not solely a life of sacrifice and suffering. There most definitely is sacrifice and suffering involved—required, even—but there is also sweetness. There is also beauty. There is also the fullness of joy. Even if my situation doesn’t change and the rain doesn’t come in a year of drought, I still get all of Jesus to sustain me.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
The first thing I learned about Iowa was that it does, in fact, exist. The second was that you can land a plane on a runway strip in the middle of a cornfield and nobody will think twice about it.
It was the trip we had been discussing for six months. Shortly after we got married, Calvin became interested in attending a local chiropractic college, but just after being accepted, the campus announced that they were shutting their doors. It was pretty heartbreaking. I was sure that meant it was the end of the road for that career, but soon after, he began to consider the same school’s sister campus in a little town in Iowa.
I didn’t want to move to Iowa. I didn’t even want to visit! I tried (and mostly failed) to be positive about it all, just trying to grapple with the idea that God could be leading me somewhere I was reluctant to go and it could still be good.
Per the advice of my counselor, I began to pray and to research. I found POV Youtube videos of people driving around every inch of the town (because apparently this is a thing?!) so I could get a better feel for where we might live. I looked for teaching opportunities at schools in the area and even across the river in Illinois. On sleepless nights, I stayed up to read just about every forum I could find on various Iowa-related things.
Before we knew it, we were on the plane. (You know… the one that landed in a cornfield?!). I’m glad we could laugh and goof off throughout the flight because it was a good distraction from my nerves. The entire time I was praying that the Holy Spirit would give me clarity and peace. That if we were meant to move, I would actually welcome the idea. I made a promise to myself that during our trip I would not say a single thing to sway the decision, and I pleaded to God that He would help me to uphold that promise.
We got an Uber at the airport and drove to a little river town full of friendly people and buildings largely made of red brick. Everything seemed different from California, but I liked that. Sometimes it’s fun to feel like foreigner! Plus, I liked how Iowans said cute things like “you bet,” and how they left off the ing from any word that naturally had one. I learned from the students I met that if it was snowin’, they were either walkin’ to the pub to hang with friends, or eatin’ ice cream at the parlor downtown.
That first night, we ran around the local museum and enjoyed some pub food as we tried to envision ourselves as Midwesterners.
This plate of Schnitzel made it to my list of best meals I’ve had in my life!I’m pretty sure this installation was meant to reference the Seurat painting, A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte. You might remember it as the piece Cam stares at when they go to the Art Institute of Chicago in Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.This lovely farm scene was from a series dedicated to Iowan artists. I don’t know what to say about the skeleton in the bag, except that I am probably not qualified to comment on such art.
The next morning, Calvin and I took an all-day tour of the school. For a small campus, it was pretty impressive. I was intrigued at the fact that everything had to be indoors due to the harsh winters, another thing Californians don’t truly understand. Each hall was different but made with the same beautiful red brick and decorated with royal purple banners.
At the end of the day, Calvin and I sat on a curb and waited for our Uber. This town was so small that we rode with the same Uber driver twice!
“So, what did you think?” I asked, fairly certain I knew the answer. We held hands and chatted. I felt peace and safety, grateful for my husband’s love for me. We were in this together. No matter what we decided, we’d have each other, and we’d have the Lord to rely on.
One year later
Short story long, we actually didn’t move! Sometimes I wonder why we went through that season of waiting and wondering, only to decide not to go. Though reluctant, by the time we reached Iowa, I was so prepared to move that deciding not to felt strange. I know I’ve asked God more than once why the way forward wasn’t clear before had bought the plane tickets.
But perhaps it was all another opportunity to grow in trust of the God who always provides for where He leads. Perhaps the Lord was helping us to grow not only in our marriage, but in our faith in His faithfulness.
But I guess we can join the club, right? There are countless examples from scripture of men and women who learned how to trust the leading of the Lord, even when the way forward was unclear:
Noah spent years building the ark in faith when God said it would rain (Hebrews 11:7).
Abraham left civilization to follow God “without understanding where he was going” (Hebrews 11:8-9).
Even the disciples (whom I’m told more closely resembled a modern-day youth group than a bunch of wise men with beards) took a chance on the carpenter who said, “Come, follow me.” (Matthew 4:19).
Arguments made for the authenticity of these stories can be supported by the fact that the Bible writers don’t attempt to cover the fallenness of God’s human witnesses. After the floodwaters receded, Noah got drunk and naked (Genesis 9:21). Abraham trusted God to provide land and a son… until he didn’t and slept with his wife’s handmaiden in a misguided attempt to produce an heir (Genesis 16:2-4). The Apostle Peter was one of those twelve who left everything behind to follow Jesus, but if you’ve read the gospels, you’ll know him as the poster child for impatience, weak faith, and sometimes even weaker character. The point of these accounts is never the goodness of man but the great faithfulness and love of God.
I particularly wonder if we’re told about how Peter hesitated to walk on water with Jesus to paint a realistic image of the journey of faith (Matthew 14:22-33).
Where He leads, He provides
We didn’t move to attend the midwestern school with the purple banners, but I realized the other day that Calvin now drives around in a royal purple ambulance in a job that has been yet another example of the provision and faithfulness of the Lord.
I’m confident that if we had moved to Iowa, we would have found new jobs, a new church, and a new community. Heck, maybe we would have even come to like the snow! It would have been an adventure, for sure.
And yet, is it not still an adventure trusting the Lord with each day, hour, and moment, and to learn how to lean on His Spirit as we strive to be obedient in whatever He asks of us? Whether the Lord is asking us to lay something down or to take up a new role, we have to keep our eyes open and our hearts softened in order to trust that He is leading us somewhere good. I drive pretty much everywhere with my GPS on, but I pay much closer attention when I’m trying to just follow Calvin’s little green minivan. The same kind of attentiveness can be cultivated in us when we watch and wait for the Lord in uncertain seasons.
Flourishing in the house of God
The olive tree logo for my blog is actually based on a verse that has reminded me to stay close to the Lord and trust Him over the years:
8 But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever. 9 For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is good.
-Psalm 52:8-9
May we pray that our hands stay open to what He has for us, knowing that God is good, and that we can trust Him wherever He leads.
Kayley Chartier 